true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
