I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
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