Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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