how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
