My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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