Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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