I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Randomize
