Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
