what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
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I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
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I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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