Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize
