Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
