Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
You smell like stripper and shame
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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