Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
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