my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
