we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize