I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
