you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
i think im in europe. pls send help
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
