I love black thongs
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
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