Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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