Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
