i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
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