If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
