he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
