so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
