Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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