Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
