It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Randomize
