oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
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