She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Randomize
