Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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