I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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