it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
