Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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