The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
