he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
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