I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
