Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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