Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
