I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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