Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
