I wannas sexs uuuuu
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
