i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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