I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
