I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
