My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
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