I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
