Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
