I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
