I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
