sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
