No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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