You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
