Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
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