seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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