I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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