Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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