I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
