She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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