we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
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She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
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I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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