Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
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