Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
