I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
