if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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