I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
