I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
